Julie Ridley
ON ATTEMPTING AUTONOMOUS EDUCATION

Autonomous education is something that I believe in passionately. Yet, I still find it hard to live by. Autonomous education for me is a constant battle to keep my mouth shut. It is a constant battle to let my kids learn, instead of turning their every interest into a teaching opportunity.

It is hard because, as a parent, my confidence is being constantly undermined by those who are supposed to be professionals. The education professionals and schools blame the parents if a child "fails" and take the credit if a child "succeeds." Having the confidence to let your children learn and grow and find their own motivation is quite hard, especially when it seems that everybody in society is looking for somebody to blame for the problems concerning our children. There have been times when I feel that we are accomplishing nothing and so I pull out the workbooks and flashcards and start teaching. I always meet resistance and we end up having a fight. The real problem has been that I have been too tired or that I haven't been doing anything for myself. I am doing things for myself now. I am taking a couple of evening courses and the kids are fine. They see me enjoying things, enjoying learning, and they share it with me, especially the African drumming. Gaining knowledge, experience, learning are all a part of being human. It is not something that is imparted to you as you grow from childhood. That is the problem that a lot of adults have. They bought the crap that they were given at school about adults knowing it all. Now they are adults and they think something is wrong with them because they don't know it all.

Giving my kids the space they need to learn is hard, too, because I am doing this basically on my own. I have 2 or 3 good friends who share similar beliefs but they do not all live near me. The people that I have day to day contact with are those who are constantly asking, "How's the home teaching going?" No matter how many times I answer, "Fine" and change the subject or simply state, "It's just the way we live" I keep hearing it. I keep hearing about SATS and 3 year olds starting nursery and how my children need more socialization and how brave I must be and how other parents couldn't do it and what about GCSE's and don't I need more time to myself and what other children are achieving (ie being awarded) and what key stage are we working to? I feel as though I am constantly competing in a race that I never entered. Sometimes, I want my kids to be the best at everything just so I can tell these people where to go.

But that isn't why I am home educating. I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing this because it is what I believe is best for my children's personal as well as academic development. I suppose it is getting easier. As they grow and show me all that they are capable of, I get more confident -- confident enough to leave them alone and just be there, just watch. I've watched my eldest learn how to read, months after her friends at school were being- taught- to - read - like- this- with- a- finger- under each- word. I watched her as she listened to one friend read her a reading scheme book in this way and say, "Wow, you're reading good" only to be answered with, "But you can't read yet." Six months later, it clicked for her. She just picked up a book and read it to a family friend. ( I think I was more proud of how she dealt with the snooty friend than of her reading.) That was my first lesson in how to trust my children in their own learning.

Every few months something wonderful will happen that will give me the energy to carry on. Somebody will get excited about a project on the Vikings or answer a question about Japan saying, "That was on the Simpsons." Then there was the day that my eldest watched a BBC Primary science television program about the body. She wanted to know more about the body so we used the computer to look at pictures of skeletons and the cranium and the brain, which, because she thought of her baby brother and his fontanelle, led to a discussion about how our bodies grow, which led to us getting out loads of photographs of various family members as babies and as adults, which led to a talk about America, where my mother lives and where my daughter was born, which, because we had a car while we lived in America, led to a brief discussion about cars and their impact on the environment. We talked about what it was like when I was a baby, and when Grandma was a baby. The whole thing ended up with her making a Body Book with loads of photographs which she wanted to sort out in chronological order. If I were following the National Curriculum, I could have recorded that we covered Technology, Science, Geography, History, Maths, and English. We had something tangible, the Body Book, at the end of the day to show everybody what we are doing. This was a "successful day." Autonomous Education is vindicated!

However, autonomous education for my second daughter is quite different. Another time, while watching something on one of the educational programs (which they chose to watch, by the way,) I decided to explain something to her. I didn't get very far before being silenced by her shouting, "DON'T TEACH ME!!!!"

Again I find myself fighting to keep my mouth shut. I realize that my goal as a parent is not to have something tangible at the end of the day, or the term, or the year. My goal is to raise children who know what they want to do, because they've been able to try things: children who know how to do what they want, because they've been able to figure it out for themselves; children who are happy most of the time, but know how to deal with Life when they're not. I hope that my children will be capable of autonomy in many aspects of life. I also hope that they (we) never stop learning.

HOME EDUCATION ROCKS!

I must admit to being a bit peeved at the article in the April NL “Home Education is not compulsory.” EO is where I turn when I have a bad day, not to be told that we are so close to chucking it all in, (NEVER!) but to gather inspiration and support for carrying on in the face of so much antagonism.

We would have no end of support from in-laws, neighbours, and well-meaning strangers were we to suddenly decide to send our children back to school. This NL is supposed to be an arena where we can gather support for our decisions to home educate, not justify any reasons for sending our children back into what I believe is a damaging environment.

If some feel the need to explain why they choose school, then I need to take the time to remind myself why we choose to home educate. And just to make it perfectly clear, I am anti-school, and I am certainly not ashamed of being so

I completely reject the institution of the school as an educational model. School has very little to do with education, and so much more to do with compliance, social control and conformity. That is what it has always been about, and that is what it will always be about. No amount of school reform can take away the fact schools are designed for the convenience of adults, and with adults’ goals in mind, however well-meaning.

I reject the idea that children NEED to know anything. What good is knowledge that you do not want?

What children need is to be around adults who will answer their questions, read them the books they want to hear, and help them with the tools they want to learn to use. I have had to re-examine my reasons for home educating recently when my eldest daughter S turned 12. For some reason this was important to me, not because of the wonderful person she is becoming, but because she would have started secondary school. I suddenly thought that we were leaving our relaxing days of picnics in the park behind us. She showed interest in doing an IGCSE in Natural Economy, and since the IGCSE is not going to be open to private candidates after June/ November of this year, I thought we had better get cooking. I set about to buy the curriculum, to find a college and to have dedicated study time with my daughter.

Suddenly I was stressed. I thought I didn’t know what I was doing, was nervous at the prospect of her taking an exam, perhaps failing, blaming me, or having her self esteem damaged by the situation. We were actually enjoying some of the material but the idea of an exam loomed ahead. She wanted to follow through on certain topics that interested her, and skip over bits that were irrelevant. That is what we had always done, but for some reason, it was different this time.

I am not really sure what happened, but luckily I was brought back to my senses. I think it must have been a sudden jump in our social lives that made finding time to study a bit more difficult. After years of home educating and looking for things to do, places to go and people to visit, we now have to make sure we have one day a week at home, to run errands or just hang out with each other.

And that sort of reminded me what had always been the most important thing about home educating. Us. Our family was the important thing. Wanting to be together and share experiences, and help the children, ages 12, 8, 6, 3, grow and develop as they are ready had always been uppermost in our ideas of what home education should be. When S was younger I remember being surprised at the questions, you know the one’s what about socialization, etc, but I could never get over the “What about exams?” question. We were talking about a 6 year old, a 7 year old, and on and on. Who cared about exams?

Well, I am back there now. Who cares about exams?

My view of education is back to being based in experience and motivation, with the ultimate goal of having a fulfilling life. For me and for them. It is not about what they will be when they grow up, preparing for some idea of success that we didn’t subscribe to in the first place. It is about being who we are, enjoying who we are now, not waiting until they grow up. It is about doing, not studying so that they can do someday. It is about rejecting the idea that anybody else, including us parents, but especially some teacher, knows what is best for our children.

I am glad that more people are finding out about home education, that more people are realizing how dangerous schools really are. But why do so many of us sometimes doubt ourselves, or think we need curricula, and resources, and targets? This doubt is what school is about, making us think we need to be told what to do. Home education isn’t just about helping my kids. It is about getting over my own schooling, that niggling teacher’s voice in the back of my head that says “Are you sure you’re doing that right?” Well, the kids say “Yeah!” So roll on picnics in the park.

And schools? Quite frankly, the world would be a better place without them.