Home Education - An Ordinary Story

I suspect ‘ordinary’ is not a word you were expecting to find in an article about Home Educating! But perhaps ‘ordinary’ is a good starting point.

This is simply because most of us are ordinary families, who lead ordinary everyday lives like millions of other families, and who have ordinary everyday family problems like everyone else, and who have the same ambitions for our children’s future as millions of other ordinary families. We want them to do well. We want them to be happy. We want them to be healthy.

The only difference is that we, and thousands of others like us, choose to educate out of school.

In every other respects we are ‘ordinary’. And I think that’s an important point to make right at the beginning, because those people wondering about Home Education might be put off by the idea that Home Educating families are either scarily ‘alternative’, enviably rich, or just elitist!

We’re not! And neither are thousands of other families Home Educating. We all just wanted something other in our children’s lives than the stress and restraints of school. Thus we chose to take them out.

Why?

There are as many reasons for this as there are families doing it. Here are a few of them: children’s ill health; unhappiness, loss of a ‘childhood’, bullying, children turning into unrecognisable aliens! Poor academic achievement despite intelligence; lack of support for learners’ needs; lack of respect for children - their personalities and gifts; the increasing stress of testing and attainment targets; poor interaction with others in schools - both children and teachers alike; narrowing of the curriculum; intense pressure; unreasonable expectation put upon children and teenagers.

In general; miserable, stressed, switched off kids. And the deep inherent feeling in parents that surely there has to be another way.

Surely a successful life in the real world after school years is not dependent on this!

You’ll be glad to know, it isn’t!

To put some other worries at rest; educating out of school is legal, you don’t have to be a teacher, your kids do make friends, there is support, you will not be alone or the only ones, children do learn, and finally home educating does work!

So how does it work?

Like with reasons for opting to do it in the first place, there are as many ways to make it work as there are people doing it. The beauty of it being you can tailor your Home Educating to suit the needs of your children, family, and circumstances.

For some a structured ‘school at home’ type of day works well. They sit at a desk from nine until four using workbooks, available at any big bookshop, which closely follow the National Curriculum. They use schemes of work that systematically take the learner through a build up of skills. They run a course parallel to what goes on in schools.

Others choose a more child orientated approach, allowing their children, without any structure or timetables or teaching, to pursue personal interests and develop their education from that. This is a more autonomous approach where the child’s needs are the deciding factor not the subjects taught; the parents aid, rather than teach.

These are two extremes. I think the majority of Home Educators fall somewhere in between! As we do.

We, like many others, feel that there are many paths to learning. Children are inherently inquisitive people at the start of their young lives and if left to their own devices, with the normal interaction all families have with the world, it would be difficult to stop them learning! Learning is going on in whatever they are doing - playing, painting, shopping, using the computer, chatting with friends, riding their bikes, using the internet, watching Time Team, having a conversation at tea time or bedtime or in the back of the car! They ask questions all the time - unless they’ve been switched off which so often happens in school.

Many Home educators become confident that nearly all activities are ‘educational’, whether they are in the home or out in museums, parks, play centres, places of interest, library, sports centres, clubs, groups, friends’ houses.

And although the children do not follow the completely structured approach they are bright, intelligent people who are developing their skills all the time.

This is all very philosophical but…

What does an ordinary day look like?

I can only describe our ordinary days but talking to Home Educating friends it seems much the same even if in a different pattern.

We get up and get dressed - quite ordinarily! Time limits - they’re up to you! Either my partner, depending on who’s at home that day, or myself would encourage the children to get on with something. That something is pretty well up to them, (telly watching not included here, but that’s our personal choice!) it could be writing a letter, playing, drawing, using a CD Rom, making something, reading, constructing with Lego, taking an old video to pieces, cooking, even cleaning out the bedroom - but it’s surprising how appealing that becomes to children when I mention doing some number practise from their workbooks!!! We find workbooks valuable to cover any short fall we feel there might be in their skills, but we find ourselves turning to them less and less.

As long as they’re busy; but the form of that ‘busyness’ has been much discussed. We have discussed with them the importance of challenging themselves. How valuable language (English) skills are, and number skills. How some things just need practise eg; writing. How interesting history is when you sit down together and look at the pictures in a book. How fascinating the world is and all the creatures in it.

There are so many beautifully illustrated books and computer programmes that the children love to sit and use, or explore virtual worlds, and they are soon telling me all about that old devil Henry VIII (‘Horrible History’ books). Or what happens when oil and metal or wood or plastic are heated, (from the computer). Or how many metres such and such is, (from playing in the garden).

We talk an awful lot!

As I said; you can’t stop them learning once their interest is roused. And we don’t believe we have to be writing masses down in order to learn - that’s a school myth!

Sometimes they need me right there if they’re tackling some new concept. Other times they’re beavering away mixing substances from the cupboard, or inventing something and I’m definitely better not looking, so I go off and do something else! Sometimes they get into something and it takes all morning. Sometimes they don’t know what to do and I motivate them - we can always find ideas in books if we’re stuck. Sometimes they do nothing. Mostly they enjoy being busy because they’re interested. The ‘I’m bored’ syndrome begins to disappear!

Some days go brilliantly. Some are difficult. Sometimes we do loads. Others nothing works. We go outdoors and play or walk! But there is a saying among Home Educators: one bad day at home is far better than a bad day at school! And what would take an hour in a classroom to achieve takes ten minutes in a quiet uninterrupted home environment. So there’s much more time for things we like!

Sometimes I think, 'Oh my god! They haven’t done anything!' Then I calm down and think about the stack of bits and pieces, books, paintings, models, experiments, projects, poems etc we have that’s becoming so huge we’re soon going to have to move house! It’s amazing how it mounts up. It’s amazing how they seem to have an astute understanding of fractions when we’re sharing out an odd number of chocolates, yet I don’t remember teaching them!

What is more amazing is the conversations we have - the best learning opportunity - when it suddenly dawns on us what a wealth of knowledge these children have retained. It may not be exactly the same knowledge as the children in schools. But it is knowledge. More importantly it is understanding. The children see how it relates to them because they chose to study it in the first place. It is not some alien subject someone else is forcing down their throats and they don’t know why. That makes a big difference to the motivation, and the learning!

Motivation is something parents worry about. Generally speaking it is not a problem because you and your children are a team, studying subjects which interest them. Your relationship improves dramatically when they leave the stress of school. And often the relationship between siblings does too

Those are our home times. But maybe Home Educating isn’t such a good title because it suggests we are stuck at home all day seeing no one. This is not the case. We rarely have a day completely at home because we meet so many others, we use the library constantly, pool, sports hall, park, etc. so much.

And all the time we watch our children grow, we see them develop a huge range of skills, we enjoy their good health and happiness and we begin to understand something about education other than what the government would have us believe!

What is education anyway?

Ourselves, and other Home Educators, begin to see that education within schools has become increasingly about mass test passing and exam getting, completely at the expense of the individual. We begin to see that education should be something broader than that, which recognises the ability, pace of learning and individuality of the learners. Education is more about the individual ability to think, investigate, observe, understand, and relate to the real world and the people in it. To solve problems, develop a wide range of skills, invent, work things out, improvise and above all create. Education has very little to do with passing tests. No one’s learning anything regurgitating what they already know!

We begin to see that if our children mature in all these areas, and they do so by following a wide and diverse range of activities, then if they want to sit down and study for an exam, or go on to higher education, or go out into the world to work then they will have the skills to apply themselves. It doesn’t actually matter when! It doesn’t matter how! It doesn’t matter what.

It’s all valuable. All knowledge develops their intelligence. All activities develop skills. If they have good study skills, and good motivation and attitude to learning they can soon get what they need to know for an exam swatted up!

For example there are many ways to learn to read and understand language. All exposure to books, magazines, the written word, story telling, conversations, encourages children to take up the pleasure of reading. Some children take to it easily at five. Some learn differently and won’t read fluently until years later. It doesn’t matter. We do not have to fear that if we are not following the route dictated in schools, or the time scale, then our children won’t achieve the same standards. They do; often higher standards!

So what about SATS and exams?

Here’s something most parents don’t know about SATS: They are not necessary for our children’s education!

SATS were put in place more for the teachers than the pupils! They were supposed to check the level children (not to mention the teachers!) were achieving. SATS were supposed to aid the learners, not stress them out! SATS rarely move children forward.

SATS have become a horrendous intrusion into the learning lives of school children. Children don’t learn anything either by being tested, or by being stressed. And how many parents know that they have the right to withdraw children from taking them if they wish?

As for qualifications needed in later life (perhaps). There are many routes to exam passes. Colleges and universities are realising the potential of home educated children and there are now children educated out of school who go on to do degrees, some without the conventional exam passes. Children from very ‘ordinary’ home educating families go on to gain the qualifications they need by using correspondence courses, evening classes, tutors, colleges, the Internet, the Open University and similar organisations. Opportunities are always increasing. Some are free, some you pay for. There are always options.

It is quite natural to fear that because our children are not in school they are not going to learn anything, they are never going to pass any exams, or they are going to be so wildly ‘different’ that they are never going to fit in. But don’t forget, there are many ordinary every day families going down this road now whose children are intelligent, educated, gaining qualifications or working. There is masses of support available, people to talk to, and organisations to contact to help allay these fears. In fact Home Education is increasing so much, we forget others go to school!

And what about friends?

So, what about interaction? Socialisation as it’s popularly called. What about our fears of being isolated or ‘different’? Friends?

The quick answer to this question would be that we see so many other Home Educating friends, and groups, we’re not often isolated at home getting any work done!

The longer answer would be that we feel that much of the interaction in school does more harm than good, and that goes for some of the behaviour demonstrated by the adults there too, and it isn’t ‘social’ anyway. It is enforced and unnatural.

Obviously we all worry about our children’s friendships. It’s a heart tearing business whatever family you’re in! All children, all the time, fall in and out of friends. Adults do too! We haven’t found that being out of school has been detrimental to our children’s friendships.

Home Educated children of all ages come together in a caring, and respectful way. This seems a far more natural way of learning about interacting with others than being stuffed in a classroom full of people you may not like, who may be bullying you, or where you feel the desperate need to compete all the time.

We, and many others like us, believe that children learn how to behave sociably from watching how adults interact not by watching children.

There are plenty of contacts, through various Home Educating Support groups you can join, where people meet others by choice. Parents and children alike meet, develop friendships, disagree, learn to tolerate individualities, and work together. Children follow the example set to them. At Home Educating groups they see lots of ordinary families coming together for mutual support. Friendships inevitable form. No one has to be alone.

What does the local education authority do?

By law, it is the responsibility of the parents to see that all children receive an education suitable to their needs, in school or otherwise. Most parents choose the school option. (Though I sometimes wonder whether schools fulfil this brief!) . But for those of us who choose to do 'otherwise', the Local Education Authority will be in contact, probably want to visit, definitely will want to talk to you about the education you are providing for your child.

Before you recoil in terror, three things; they are not the Gestapo; there is plenty of support from EO! Even someone to be there with you if you wish. And thirdly; the beauty of it is that you decide the form your child’s education should take, you decide what is suitable for your child and you decide what his/her needs are. Not some politician who knows nothing about your children!

Our ‘visit’ was lovely! The lady who came seemed to only want to see that the children were busy and happy. I was quite disappointed - I was all ready for an educational barney! The children showed her all their pictures, we talked about the things we did and places we went. My youngest said she like playing all the time, and I cringed but the lady didn’t bat an eyelid!

Check the legalities and know your stuff. You don’t have to have anything to show. You don’t have to have them visit. You don’t have to have your child tested in any way.

What you do have to do is reassure the authorities that you are not mistreating your child in any way, using them for slave labour, and you are running a bit of learning by them sometimes! So a visit or meeting the child helps them to establish this. It does help if you have your ideas about your child's education clear, in your mind, whether it’s completely autonomous or tightly structured, and EO again will help formulate these ideas.

EO has been working with education authorities and their understanding of home educating is increasing all the time. I honestly don’t believe that any caring informed parent has anything to worry about.

I’m still anxious about Home Educating . . . After all, I’m only a parent!

All of us are anxious. But are you not anxious about your child at school too?

I think it helps to realise what I said earlier; children do not need teachers to learn! Home Education is merely an extension of parenting. Think back to the toddler days. Look what you taught your toddler; walking, talking peeing in the right place at the right time (well - most of the time anyway)! Did you need teachers to get you to that point? Did you need Key Stages?

No. You just needed to be an interested caring parent who likes your children around you. And you are that anyway or you wouldn’t be reading this.

Help is always a phone call away.

Home Education is nothing more than the extension of your parenting. The only difference is that obviously some of the skills and knowledge become more complicated. But they will be nothing you can’t handle with a little research perhaps. Support is always available in one form or another. We should ditch the feeling we’ve been conditioned to accept that learning is difficult! That parents are not capable of teaching anybody anything. And that we need specialist teachers to learn anything.

None of that is true.

What’s difficult is the parenting bit. And we’ve been there, done that, got the thread bare T-shirt. You’re on your way already!

The single most difficult thing for Home Educators is not to do with learning, because your children really are going to learn, almost despite you!

It is to do with management!

Management of time together, time apart, work and play, the usual family stuff. And let’s face it you’re doing that already.

Management of your fears and worries. There is support to help you - you never have to worry alone - loads of other families have been through it.

Management of your parenting skills - all parents go through tough times, make mistakes, make amends, carry on. We all do! There are always opportunities for learning. Other parents to ask how they managed. Free courses to help. Parent groups. We all need help sometimes - none of us are perfect parents! But let’s face it - we managed quite well between the ages of nought to five, didn’t we!

All of us doubt. All of us think we can’t do it at times. We’re all in it together. We all come through!

Finally . . .

If you are considering home education and are worried, doubtful and afraid, like we all are when we start out, there a few final things I’d like to share with you:

All of the children I know educated out of school are learning.

They are all intelligent despite their learning differences (or learning difficulties, as it would be called in school).

They are all sociable.

They are all happy.

And not one home-educating parent I’ve talked to - however much they were afraid or sceptical at the start - regrets their decision!

Ross Mountney